5 Dangerous Relationship Time Bombs That Can Destroy Your Relationship
Relationship Time Bombs are common problems in relationships that would eventually end the relationship or cause the relationship to be a very unhappy one if you ignore them.
If you realize that there are any of these time bombs in your relationship, maybe you might want to start paying attention to them before it’s too late.
Like time bombs, they can be diffused if you talk about it and work it out with your partner early on. However, they will eventually “explode” and might cause serious emotional damage if you try to ignore or avoid facing these problems
1. LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS
This is probably one of the toughest and most common relationship problem faced by couples in today’s globalised world.
Generally, relationships that start off being long distance without any sort prior foundation of friendship or dating (i.e strangers based in different locations meeting at an airport or a backpacking trip) are almost doomed to fail.
This is because things seem very different up close and from afar. It is very hard to really get to know a person in a long distance relationship because you will only see the best side of each other during the limited time you have together.
When you finally get to be in the same location and discover the flaws and not so pleasant side of each other, you might realize that you don’t really know the person you thought you knew so well. That might come as a shock to you and cause you to feel that you have been cheated and often would lead to the end of the relationship.
For it to work, you need to be extremely lucky.
However, a long distance relationship could work if ALL the following circumstances are met:
- There has been prior foundation before the relationship goes long distance.
(E.g. Been friends/together for some time before relationship becomes long distance)
- The couple has the means/financial capability to physically meet each other regularly
(E.g. Fly and meet each other at least once a month or once every 3 months)
- Commitment from both sides to communicate regularly and stay faithful to each other
If you just met someone and plan to go into a long distance relationship with them right away. You might want to re-consider it or prepare yourself for the challenges that you will face and the high possibility that the relationship might fail.
If you have been good friends or have been together for some time & have a strong foundation with someone, then you could try, but make sure that both of you:
- Have the means/financial capability to meet each other regularly
- Communicate regularly
- Commit to staying faithful to each other
Otherwise, it might be better to just take a break for a while until the both of you are back in the same place and re-kindle the relationship if the both of you are still single then.
This just might save the both of you from making some mistakes that could destroy a relationship that otherwise could have worked at some point in the future if it never gone long distance.
2. SIGNIFICANT AGE DIFFERENCE
In general, significant age difference (10-20 years) would cause problems in a relationship because of:
(a) Differing Priorities in Life
(E.g. Older partner might want to get married while younger partner still wants to explore the world, older partner might want to stay home more while younger partner wants to party more)
(b) Differing Levels of Maturity
(While maturity does not necessarily correspond with age, it usually does. But if the both of you have almost the same level of maturity, it will be alright)
However, it is important to note that age difference does not always come with differing life priorities & maturity. If the both of you have similar life priorities & maturity levels, then age difference is not a problem.
Also, such differences are not likely if you are both over 25 and the age difference is less than 5-7 years, significant age difference primarily refers to those with a difference of 10 years and above or between a student and a working adult
(the border between two stages of life).
The Gap Narrows The Older You Get
However, the older we get, the less age matters. There might be huge difference in life priority and maturity in a couple between couples who are 19 & 29 or 20 & 40 years old, but not much difference in couples who are 35 & 45 or 40 & 60 years old.
To make a relationship with significant age difference work, it is important to communicate and understand each other’s priorities in life and lifestyle so you can give and take and make compromises for each other. If the couple is able to do that, then significant age difference will not be a problem because their life priorities & maturity levels will eventually grow to be similar.
3. DIFFERENT SPIRITUAL BELIEFS
During good times, having different spiritual conviction won’t be a problem.
However, when a couple goes through challenging times, which would most likely happen at some point, or when it comes to decisions about children and family values, different spiritual conviction might strain a relationship and cause the relationship to fail if the expectations are not resolved.
- When a Christian believes in being faithful and continue to pay tithes to the church during a financial crisis, a non-christian partner might not understand this and might think that it is stupid and impractical.
- Which values and beliefs should their children be taught or exposed to, should they go to church or the temple on a Sunday?
If the levels of spiritual conviction are not strong, in a sense that both adopt a rather neutral view, then different spiritual conviction won’t matter.
To prevent differing spiritual conviction from straining the relationship, it is important for couples to acknowledge, understand and respect each other’s beliefs and commit to grow together in learning to accept, love and embrace each other’s spiritual convictions.
4. DIFFERENT SOCIAL, ETHNIC OR EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUND
It is possible for people from different social, ethnic or educational background to be together and have a fruitful and strong relationship.
However, if the differences are too big and the couple is not willing to understand & make compromises to accept or close the gap between the differences, then the relationship would be strained.
- There might be a big difference in spending power & lifestyle that might take some time to get used to
- There might be a difference in social circles and friends with different attitudes, conversation topics and lifestyle
- There might be different values and customs to be observed
To make the relationship work, it would be important for the couple to understand & accept each others’ lifestyle, customs, values, habits & friends and put in the effort to close the gap as much as possible such as being interested in each other’s conversation topics, get to know each others’ friends and participating in each other’s customs & hobbies.
This way, the difference will eventually become smaller and the relationship will be strong and healthy.
5. DIFFICULT IN-LAWS
When we marry someone, we do not just marry the person, we also marry into the other person’s family, unless the couple is prepared to be totally independent of their families.
If our in-laws are friendly and easy going people, then all will be good.
However, if they are not, then it can cause cracks in the relationship if the problem is not resolved.
To make the relationship work, it would be good to get to know your partner’s family members and see if you could get along with them well beforehand. If there are irreconcilable differences, you will have to discuss it with your partner and see if you are both willing to agree on a solution and stand your ground together.
It is important that you and your life partner are together on this because ultimately it is between the both of you as soul mates & life partners, and if the both of you are in agreement, you can overcome all these challenges together.
However, if you or your partner find it hard to support each other if you have overbearing and difficult in-laws, then it can cause a huge strain in the relationship in the future and you might want to re-consider whether you are the right partner for each other.
“If you don’t defuse these time bombs in time, they will eventually explode; and when they do, damage will be done…”